- Attending: "you should go home."
- Me: "Ok!"
- Attending: "wow! you didnt even fight me."
- Entrapment.
June 2012
35 posts
“Doing chest compressions during a code.”
—Afterwards, senior tells you to go to the gym.
“Finish intern year.”
—Can’t hold a shot of liquor.
“just ordered my first penis pump for a patient.”
—(i had to ask the attending how to order it)
“Off a black wknd, and my y roommates are still home on a Monday at 10am. I wonder if they even really ever work.”
—
“3 pregnant women come into the ED.”
—…..ended up with all 3 charts.
“Pt: “Im thanking allah for sending me you!! You’re pretty.”
—GEN: Manic. Visual acuity: intact.
“Just got the “I don’t play to win, I play not to lose,” talk from the ED attending….”
—Shoot me now.
“That awkward moment when you realize you zoned out during the entire time your patient was talking.”
—It probably doesn’t even matter.
“Walking down the hall of the VA eating my Special K 110cal pack of Cracker Chips and…. Pt goes “you’re setting up a bad example for us doc.”
—Intern 15 = IM TURNING INTO A COW!!!!
“Me: “you still using?”
Pt: “naw doc, i be clean of that shit.”
Me: “oh… how long you been clean?”
Pt: “last time i used was Saturday morning.” —it’s Monday.
Pt: “naw doc, i be clean of that shit.”
Me: “oh… how long you been clean?”
Pt: “last time i used was Saturday morning.” —it’s Monday.
“ED Attending: “i can’t find Bed 11 chart.” looks at me while i’m writing up someone else. “i can’t find the chart. have you seen the chart? Are YOU going to take any action about this?”
—… and then, i proceeded to work retarded slow for the rest of the shift. 1 patient. at. a. time. REVENGE - INTERN STYLE.
“ED ATTENDING: “you are missing the issue. her problem is not dizziness, it’s shortness of breath. and now her DDIMER is POSITIVE and NOW THERE”S A CONCERN FOR A PE. Your system is not working.”
—MY SYSTEM: Not SOB. Not tachycardic. DDimer 210. (norm 0-200, guidelines <500)
ED ATTENDING SYSTEM: CT-SCAN a panic attack.
ED ATTENDING SYSTEM: CT-SCAN a panic attack.
“…..and for the first time since 3/2011 (exam date for step 2) I worked out.”
—procrastination of Step 3 just got serious.
“Attending: “this guy comes in a lot. Just… Wear gloves.”
—Wait whaa
“drunk took a nap on the sidewalk while walking home. Time in ED: 1 hour.”
—
Ambulance: $500.
ED Visit: $500.
Parents see the bill b/c you still live @ home: PRICELESS.
at least you don’t pay rent.
“ i have anal warts. but i don’t know why, cuz i have only had anal sex with a couple of men. i mean, anal sex is pretty personal.”
—pretty sure that’s not what happened in Pretty Woman.
“40 yo F not on contraceptives: i haven’t had my menses for 2 yrs. but i like not having it. so, i aint complaining.”
—o.m.g. bitch u playin.
“i haven’t pooped for 2 wks. but i haven’t pooped for 6 wks before.”
—lady, you are full of shit. (pun)
