I’ll be honest. Tinder is super useful. I’ve found it has heightened my ability to deliver witty comebacks. It really has refined my ability to turn any awkward comment (text or in person) into a platform for comedic gold. Let’s be real though- girls tinder during the Hulu commercial breaks, while at home cooking dinner. Guys tinder on the toilet or at the bar when waiting for their friend to come back from the toilet. So. Let’s not make any crazy assumptions of what I use tinder for. You should be really asking how is Tinder making YOU a BETTER you.
And then there are the pictures of the puppies. So. That’s a thing.
“When you match on tinder w a legit model. But u thought it was some hilarious guy just mixing his photos as model photos. But. No he’s actually that model.”—So. Now that that’s clarified. Im. Really. not worthy. So I’m just. Gonna stop responding…
“i’m really good at deleting numbers of guys out of my phone.”—
i don’t ever actually save them as a contact. because i never like to think of them as anything other than temporary. i’m not one of those girls that likes to keep that nonsense around. i never like to feel like i’ve put any stake in it. it’s better to be cold about those sorts of things. so. it’s pretty confusing when one of them tries to re-message you after a bit. because. you have zero idea who that number now belongs to.
so. you ignore it. even if it was a somebody. it’s easier to remember them as a nobody.
And all I’ve really learned is that- I’m a face to face person. But. If you want to fuck. There’s plenty and plenty and loads and loads and unlimited amount of guys that will hit you up in less than a second just to demolish you.
I’m pretty sure that unlike girls- guys don’t really have any real standard. So that being said. Flip your hair. And. Wrap. It. Up.
“Some guys don’t get me. they think I’m wild.
Some guys. I meet once. And we’ve decided to Miami in October.”—Who makes friends this way? Apparently me. All or nothing.
I guess I should start dieting right now.
“That awkward moment when you make an empirically funny comment in your small office and nobody laughs.”—Yea. I see. So. I’m gonna have to find friends elsewhere. Where is that hot murse I just saw? Maybe he will love me.
“Thanks man who ran across the White House lawn… Into the doors?!?”—You’ve shattered the life-long notion I’ve had that Snipers sat on the roof of White House 24/7.
(But this is in all seriousness really quite the embarrassment for the the White House. we need a lot more snipers.)