“That awkward moment when you make an empirically funny comment in your small office and nobody laughs.”—Yea. I see. So. I’m gonna have to find friends elsewhere. Where is that hot murse I just saw? Maybe he will love me.
“Thanks man who ran across the White House lawn… Into the doors?!?”—You’ve shattered the life-long notion I’ve had that Snipers sat on the roof of White House 24/7.
(But this is in all seriousness really quite the embarrassment for the the White House. we need a lot more snipers.)
“Maybe I shouldn’t have high beamed, revved up my car at or talked overtly loud enough so that woman driving like a moron in the hospital garage would hear me.”—"What are you doing? You don’t need to turn on the signal- it’s a one-way garage- that’s the only way to you can go. There are no spots here - stop driving 3 mph and go to the next floor-"
“Omg. I’m watching a PowerPoint about EMR coding.”—Omg I am dying. Help. I have been bored into tindering. Save me. Is Tinder a word in the dictionary? It should be. Save me. Now. I have a headddAaccxhhhheee.
did you happen to see that video where he… stops the concert to CONFIRM that those two fans were indeed handicapped and couldn’t stand? and the crowd.. boos the handicapped ppl for not standing?
like.. let’s be honest, how does anyone tolerate themselves for PAYING MONEY to support a thing like Kanye.. i mean, sure the guy donates to charity… but doesn’t really negate the fact that he’s kind of an awful human..
i like his music. but when it plays, i can’t get over the fact that thing Kanye is singing it. so. i change the song.
“I realized I was a doctor today when there was a cyclist that fell, probably broke his nose with blood all over the sidewalk and on his face. And as I walked by him, his friends and the EMTs….”—I skipped to the next Song on my iphone and stepped over the blood. Nothing to see here.
“When someone ask you when will you have access to the trust fund.”—What trust fund? Fuck I’m not looking to milk my family. imma get my ass up and scrap on my own.
Why do people think or care if someone is wealthy? I hustle for everything I got.